And lets just be clear: joining him for family gatherings and respecting his right to spend time with his family outside of your relationship is an important part of that relationship. Dont try to criticize their views or tell them that they are wrong for making those views heard. One of the pillars of a healthy relationship is having good communication with your partner. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services. So dont give up on him immediately. Neither you nor any of his relatives can have an influence on his decisions. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. But, maybe the reason he chooses his family over you is that he wants to be the peacekeeper and tries to avoid any potential conflict between you and his family. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. It could be that your in-laws and his siblings are always included in your family travel plans. While youre dealing with this issue, make your self-care an absolute priority. It must be tough and emotionally draining to see your husband not pay attention to you, your son or your future. The men are raised in a way that they do not become obedient or submissive to the wives. As odd as it sounds, theres a logical explanation for this. And your husband ends up giving more importance to that because that is what he has been used to seeing in his family. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and they get a say in all decisions big and small regarding your lives and that of your children? But dont let those feelings turn into resentment. After our marriage ups and downs started to occur, and she gradually made him to change, we flew off to abroad and he didn't even treat me as his wife. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. He has to choose to change on his own and act accordingly. Have your husbands family members ever disrespected you in front of him and/or your children without your husband saying anything in your defense? At this point, when she is older and much more independent one would expect that he would give you more time and consideration. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Its not uncommon in married life for there to be fights and arguments between a wife and a mom-in-law or husband and father-in-law. Manage Settings He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. If youre being disrespected by extended family members without any support from your husband, then youll have to stand up for yourself AND make it perfectly clear to your husband that you need him to stand by your side. 1 Set your boundaries right at the inception. Couples who live in the same house as their in-laws have the feeling as if theyre married to the whole family. In Indian families, the son is expected to prioritize his parents and siblings even after he is married and has his own family. Work together to find a solution for this particular problem. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. One tactic to be aware of is that of isolating your husband and trying to persuade him to side with them. As a consequence of them maturing early, they usually learn how to be independent from an early age and get married sooner than men. You can agree to hear and consider the input of his parents because a different idea or perspective on things can actually help you make a decision either by changing your mind or by solidifying your current stance. And then post marriage, you wonder why your husband chooses his family, again and again,hurting you in the process. Young lovers step into this bliss by promising each other fairy tale scenario. I was forced to marry my cousin, whos been absent since! Resentment would create negativity in your relationship. Those potential awkward situations are bound to happen. Realize he is their child first and he lived with them much longer than he lived with you. Just counter their view with your own, firmly and decisively. (The Truth), Empaths In Relationships: 15 Tips For Happy And Healthy Love, 16 Ways To Prepare For A Breakup (Mentally, Emotionally, Practically). Especially when children come along. And youre tired of always doing that because his mom might think you dont know how to cook. He wants to keep the peace between everyone, 3. Who knows in the process hed probably realize a few things and will be able to create the boundaries. In this situation, you have to compromise. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Does Islam allow this. Understand husband chooses his family because he doesnt know how not to. Yes, that includes your spouses attachment to his family. I was married at the age of 23 and my husband was 27. Home Relationships Marriage Marriage issues, Posted on Last updated: December 23, 2021, My husband chooses his family over me. The truth is, its very hard to break this pattern. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. You shouldnt hold any grudges or ghost him he doesnt deserve that. By Kimberly Ben When I reverted to Islam over 10 years ago, I received mixed reactions from my friends and family. Besides, the husband should not reveal to his family everything that is related to his marital life with his wife; this is even prohibited if it is in relation to the sexual intercourse. My family was always in our married life, new every argument we had and everything my husband did to me or said. Unfortunately, the same applies to their sons. Maintain a good distance. You feel betrayed and abandoned by your husband. You will not get to crib then that your husband chooses his family over you and he will be satisfied by doing his bit for his side of the family. Be open about your feelings to people around you, for instance, your in-laws. 1. But what to do if your mother-in-law tags along everywhere? If your husband spends time with his parents straight after coming home from work, keeps chatting with them for hours and then heads off to sleep without spending time with you, then it's a concern. speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com, chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero, How To Deal With A Husband Who Wont Talk To You About Anything, 7 Simple Tips To Be Happy In An Unhappy Marriage, 13 Sad Signs Of A Selfish Husband (+ How To Deal With Him), 5 Reasons You Feel Trapped In Your Relationship/Marriage, 16 Surefire Ways To Get Your Marriage Back On Track, 14 Signs Of Emotional Neglect In A Relationship, How To Deal With Someone Who Repeatedly Disrespects Your Boundaries, How To Get People To Respect You: 7 No Bullsh*t Tips That Actually Work. First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your distress, make a way out to your difficulty, and rectify your husband and your marital relation with him on the one hand, and your relations with your in-laws on the other hand as Allaah is the All-Hearer and He answers supplications. Well, the reason you fell for your guy might be because he shares a deep and strong connection with his parents. Dont try to argue with him about why hes choosing his family over his wife. I hate being attracted to women, and have sworn to Allah that I will never get married, He is honestly not in my heart at all, as my parents forced me, I am living the life of a prisoner with my husband. Do you want to stay with a man who will bend to his familys will at your expense? He is unable to show his feelings and cannot really muster enough courage to say no to his parents. He has to want it. Which it sounds like you've decided already. Some families are close. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. It can seem that your marriage is falling apart and that your husbands spending more time with his family than with you. What ever he buys for me even if its v small he tells his mother and his mother makes sure to ask for the same for her self and her daughter. 4. Help Your Husband Look at Things From A Different Perspective. The smart wife is the one who is keen for her husband to develop a strong relationship with his own family and for there to be friendship and love between them. I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. You are doing the right thing. Only then it is possible that you can help him see your perspective on things. But thats not what I mean. Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. Tell your husband that if you are traveling twice a year let one be with his family and the other one be with his wife and kids. Pour your energy into hobbies and personal pursuits. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise. 1. Remember, marriage is all about teamwork. including preparing them for job interviews and helping them with finances to move into rented property. Likewise, you can come to an agreement about what would be an acceptable frequency for his guys night outs. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and considers it his responsibility to fulfill their needs and desires? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. If i defend my self my rights i am wrong rude. 3. He treats me so. Focus more on worthwhile activities. If you are living with the in-laws you cannot really restrict relative visits because the elderly people are usually free to entertain guests. In Indian extended homes, husbands might want to help their wives in the kitchen but since their fathers never helped their mothers, they are unable to do it because they fear a backlash on the wife from the family. Men are mysterious creatures and mostly they keep things for themselves. And i told him I understood. One excuse thats commonly heard in situations where your husband chooses his family over you is theyve been family to me longer than weve been a couple.. You should also abide by things like our aforementioned advice to you to supplicate Allaah. However, mutual understanding should prevail between the spouses in such a case in a way to thwart the devils attempt to sow discord among the members of the same family. And most marriages dont have any issues with their in-laws as most of them live their separate lives and are aware that they should mind their own business. You have to show him that this little thing is bothering you. His father too follow hanafi teaching. I want to avoid adultery. Everyone is living under the same roof, 4. My cousins are astrayhow do I advise them? They just secretly hope that hell get out of his mothers shadow and take control of his own life. Speaking badly about his family or his character will only make the situation worse. So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. 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